You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
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i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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