I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
