she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
