You're completely useless in the revolution.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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