bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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