just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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