I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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