i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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