she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
