Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
