My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
even my farts smell like vagina
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
