there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sorry my hands just texted you
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
