Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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