I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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