puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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