connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
