People in love make me want to vomit
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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