one two three fourrrrnication!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.