Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.

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  (703): We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along. http://tfl.nu/ex0g
  Replies (26) Good night (6102) Bad night (1076)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.

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  (704): It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States. http://tfl.nu/t1qp
  Replies (16) Good night (6479) Bad night (975)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.

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  (412): Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today. http://tfl.nu/4lg3
  Replies (52) Good night (10303) Bad night (1243)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?

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  (813): Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room? http://tfl.nu/bp9i
  Replies (14) Good night (4993) Bad night (2354)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out

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  (267): Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out http://tfl.nu/835w
  Replies (14) Good night (4869) Bad night (1385)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.

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  (905): Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up. http://tfl.nu/c9v7
  Replies (9) Good night (778) Bad night (3128)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?

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  (603): Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support? http://tfl.nu/jl5q
  Replies (7) Good night (638) Bad night (1724)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.

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  (317): He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one. http://tfl.nu/b8h5
  Replies (27) Good night (887) Bad night (6735)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.

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  (508): I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember. http://tfl.nu/6qay
  Replies (22) Good night (1539) Bad night (850)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.

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  (434): They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me. http://tfl.nu/rhi7
  Replies (3) Good night (1906) Bad night (329)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct

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  (207): my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct http://tfl.nu/asi5
  Replies (0) Good night (444) Bad night (353)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.

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  (410): Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface. http://tfl.nu/w1ur
  Replies (7) Good night (2146) Bad night (449)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.

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  (740): Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer. http://tfl.nu/j7d4
  Replies (1) Good night (485) Bad night (223)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow

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  (918): I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow http://tfl.nu/sxt6
  Replies (0) Good night (428) Bad night (298)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  It was "against protocol"

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  (479): I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me. (479): It was "against protocol" http://tfl.nu/5591
  Replies (5) Good night (678) Bad night (242)

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