Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
