I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.