When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
