she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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