first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
