One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
