I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
