One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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