Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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