I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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