You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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