When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
