so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
