I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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