you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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