haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
