youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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