My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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