Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
