Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
