2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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