Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
These tits shall not be calmed
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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