Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
