I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
