did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
