So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize