i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
