I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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