We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
