my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He kissed a someone with a penis
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
