Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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