he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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