Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
