It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
