The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
