Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
