then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
