Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I love black thongs
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
