ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
God I need to hump something, right now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
