Having a random hookup so left but love u
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
