Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
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I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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