I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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