Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
