if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
