i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
