I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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