They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
