His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
