ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
