So drunk its hurt
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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