What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
