Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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