look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
