I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
